Bay Diving Newsletter #34 April 2008 - In the Nick of Time

“The world is largely run for and by idiots; it is no great handicap in life
and in certain areas is actually a distinct advantage
and even a prerequisite for advancement.”

author Iain Banks, The Crow Road

Four cups of coffee have washed down a bucket of chocolate sauce and I’m still struggling to get started on this newsletter. Not due to lack of content, but pure exasperation. I worked in advertising. I know how to lie. I choose not to do it when inviting people to share our lifestyle here. We have positioned ourselves outside of the mainstream diving market because for us going under the water is a philosophy and a passion, not a ticket to financial freedom.
We have just hosted a couple of ‘advanced’ divers who were very disgruntled with the diving because they were told (by a couple who wanted to set up in Nacala, but never did) that the fish life here was like Tofo’s but bigger.
Adverts for that area contain the words ‘mantas’, ‘whalesharks’ and ‘guarantee,’ all in one sentence – something I could write another whole indignant outburst about – while our blurb clearly states the opposite. Our focus inside the bay is on the macro subjects, along with the simple joy of diving, the thrill of not knowing what to expect, the luxury of small personal groups, and of course our charming company.

Well, 4 out of 5 is a good average, Arthur having been distinctly absent recently. Avid readers will recall our I-Know-A-Minister neighbour. Up to his usual tricks again, intent on following through with his threat to get us kicked out of the country, he had Arthur sent to jail for a week awaiting trial and forced to pay a bail of U$6000 over the alleged theft by one of our workers of 2 buckets of stone. We’re not talking gem stones here, just building stone, valued at U$2.
Preposterous, you say? Incredible? Unbelievable? You want more – the judge is a few years short of 30, and still doing her judge internship. The lawyer for the plaintiff is also the notary of the town. Arthur was not even summoned to court but went along to explain the worker’s case. The ‘witnesses’ sat through each others testimonies.
It would be laughable if it didn’t mess so much with our lives. Unfortunately this latest occurrence has been a cancerous growth consuming most of our time and energy. The rest has been spent at the Labour department which ordered us to re-hire an alcoholic guard who had a medical doctor falsify a statement on his behalf, the Environmental department which wants money from our company, despite having approved an oil refinery to be built directly opposite the lodge and the Immigration department which required countless documents and the same number of visits to Nampula in order to process the new simplified work permit for a foreign staff member.

We have found the perfect antidote for a bad mood to be a little pig called Felix who has wriggled his way into our lives, dog’s food bowls and compost heap. A birthday present (who knew I didn’t want roses?) has never smelt so bad. He’s got a habit of looking up skirts, collapsing in a heap for a tickle and apparently will make an excellent guard. Which is convenient because Fella is on flexi-time, having discovered the joys of the opposite sex, as well as the injuries sustained while trying to get close to them. Tsotsi has stopped stealing shoes and pulling apart cushions and now assists Fella in lady seduction. Jock – well Jock is trying his best to develop a taste for cabbage leaves because he doesn’t like being sidelined when the pig gets his bucket of swill, and insists on first pickings. He took advantage of Arthur’s absence to make his way into our house and sneakily onto the bed where he has taken up squatter’s rights and was just seen consulting with an animal rights lawyer.

Our favourite daughter, Ietermagog, has an appointment to get out of the water in June where she will be re-sealed and have her new compressor and alternator installed. Thereafter the end of the world is the limit for her, as she will sail off to facilitate the exploration of new reefs and areas. In November last year we sailed her up to the mouth of the Lurio, diving along the way on awesome drop offs and tracking wild elephants who live amongst the local settlements and share waterholes with the residents. Sashimi every evening, good wine and starry nights. This is liveaboard adventure. Not for just anybody. There are no guarantees. No promises. And no mercy given for those who fail to appreciate the unique opportunity that they have been given.

Ietermagog has also been used as a base from which we can conduct dive work in the port, and a place from which to hurl abuse at the captain of the ship who was very nearly responsible for us having our heads chopped when he overrode all safety precautions in place and engaged a prop while we were working on his vessel.

Another incident highlighting the need for permanent vigilance was the dive boat of a new operator which went screaming over the bubbles of our divers who had just entered the water next to the dhow. Both local boat driver and clients were seemingly oblivious to the rules of traffic near a dive boat. New operator was not even on the boat. He sent his clients out without a dive guide. So many clichés, so many sermons to be preached. At the risk of sounding repetitive
We have positioned ourselves outside of the mainstream diving market because for us going under the water is a philosophy and a passion, not a ticket to financial freedom.
We welcome an alternative venue to which we can direct the other types to.

For those of you who didn’t know, we took ourselves off to Cuba this year for an amazing, thought provoking, intriguing holiday. We traveled around, stayed in the oddest places, dived in the most stunningly clear indigo coloured waters, marveled at the culture and drank lots of beer. Newly purchased salsa shoes were tolerated for five minutes, cigars were bought and a fantastic new experience was engrained onto our life’s canvas. But honestly, how many people can go on holiday, and compare where they live favourably to the place they have paid thousands to be at? We have a piece of paradise here in Nacala. Despite the dramas and frustrations, it is our choice to be here, and to invite you to join us. Just don’t, whatever you do, start a conversation which gets anyone talking about the administrative systems of our African countries…

Best regards from Felix and all the people who feed him here at Bay Diving.

Arthur Telephone: +258 82 5116925 / 82 3042908
Satellite phone: 881631546816
(send a free short message to this number via www.iridium.com otherwise standard costs apply for satellite calls)
Email: waterworks.moz(at)gmail.com
hearn.sarah(at)gmail.com

Bay Diving Newsletter #34 April 2008 - In the Nick of Time

“The world is largely run for and by idiots; it is no great handicap in life and in certain areas is actually a distinct advantage and even a prerequisite for advancement.”

“The world is largely run for and by idiots; it is no great handicap in life
and in certain areas is actually a distinct advantage
and even a prerequisite for advancement.”